Execute Program? (Y/N)

Last night I went to sit shiva for one of my friends who passed away. "Sitting shiva" is a traditional Jewish event where people go to the dead person's house after the funeral to visit the family and comfort them. In ultra-traditional circles, they do this every night until interrupted by the Sabbath. In modern times, the first night is the biggest one where everyone comes and eats and talks.

Anyway, while I was there last night I had a great reminder about paying attention. I caught myself running a program that I had a hard time stopping.

What is a program you ask? Programs are what we run during our daily routine. For example, you have a program to brush your teeth and shower in the morning, as well as a driving to work program, or a cooking dinner program. Every day there are things that you do for your routine, without thinking. You are simply going through the motions, as they say. You may also have some more complicated programs running.

When you enter a new situation, such as getting a new job, or having a baby, or moving to a new home, you might notice your programs because they are getting messed up. Change is an easy way to show you what you've been doing without thinking.

Do not get me wrong. Programs are not a bad thing! They are quite useful. While it is good to be mindful, nobody can be mindful 100% of the time, and it is often good to run a program to finish a task that must be done, because programs can enable you to do a task efficiently and adeptly sometimes.

However, programs have limitations, and in times when they are limited, you need to be aware of it.

So, back to the sitting shiva part....

Those who really know me, and there are few, realize that I am actually an introvert. However, most people whom I encounter these days would never know it. They're seeing my "meeting people outside my household" program, which portrays me as outgoing, extroverted, and at certain times, intense. I got this program relatively recently from being involved in the Marketing profession over the last 4 years. In that work you need to be "On", i.e. not afraid to go out there and do things, and meet people. It's a necessary program I must run for my job, to be good at it and excel.

However.... in a funeral environment, it's not such a good thing. Do you see where this is going?

I'm no idiot. I realize that in these environments you need to be low-key. I realize that consciously that is. However, the program runs despite that.

Several times last night I walked up to people I haven't seen in a while and flashed them a big grin while sticking out my hand saying, "Hi!! Good to see you! How are you doing?"

I realized my mistake the first time when the person scowled at me and said, "How do you think I'm doing? I'm doing awful."

Ouch. Can't say I blamed them. My program. My fault.

Ah well, we live in the moment, and that passed, until I did it again.... and at least one more time after that. Each time I would catch myself just as the words left my mouth, and not before. Then I'd kick myself mentally as the person winced at me.

Gotta love programs. There's only one way around them, really. Paying attention. To stop a program you need to take three steps:

1) Become aware you have it.
2) Be able to pay attention to it as it is happening so you can observe it.
3) Once you can observe it, attempt to take control of it, at first while it is happening, then gradually try to grab control BEFORE it runs.

With any luck, I won't have to do any of these steps at a shiva call any time soon, but there you go.